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Author: Subject: The Answer Is Deodorant
Cou
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[*] posted on 9-6-2018 at 21:42
The Answer Is Deodorant


As I continued working at Waffle House without making one true friend out of a coworker, I became aware that something fundamental about me is cringe-inducing to others. I misattributed it to personality issues, but after lengthy analysis of past social interactions, the actual cause of my social isolation revealed to be bad hygiene and non-use of deodorant. Ultimately I learned that in the event of social isolation, one should look past the obvious friendliness of colleagues, and search for subtle social clues to determine social approval. Then one should consult others to find the cause of the social approval. As our minds are inherently limited by preexisting experiences and knowledge, it takes the input of others to narrow down a cause. Otherwise, we go in circles trying to determine the cause.

After a month of working at Waffle House as a salesperson and still being socially isolated, I started to believe that something fundamental about my affect or personality is off-putting. There were small signs under exterior friendliness, indicating that coworkers did not want to interact me when not necessary. In the first week my coworkers were friendly and welcoming, like the crowd of friendly faces when walking into a college club meeting for the first time. All the coworkers are courteous. This is actually a clue that helped narrow down my issue, as initial friendliness rules out the possibility of unappealing physical appearance. Grill operator Lucie is a charismatic character, popular with the regular customers, who describes herself as a “people person” who “gets along with everyone” and never criticizes, except in the form of indirect hints. She comes off initially as a fat and jolly lady, but really has wisdom and the self-control to keep complaints to herself. If I made the social blunder of asking her to take the time and effort to cook an egg dish for me, failing to keep the golden rule of “treat people the way you want to be treated” in mind, she would simply make it without complaint and hold the grudge to herself. The grudge would simply affect future social interactions. If I had greasy hair with dandruff, she would make a conversational point with another coworker about how “some people have greasy hair because they use the wrong shampoo” while making constant anomalous eye contact with me through the whole sentence. This was a pointer towards bad hygiene being the repelling agent. On surface analysis I always believed I was a nice person, but digging through small signs like these is what made me concerned about my likeability.

Here is an example of a subtle sign of being an unlikeable person, which I only could see in hindsight once I acquired some social wisdom. When one’s name is called, what percentage of name calls are for casual socialization purposes, and what percentage of name calls are for utilitarian purposes such as assigning a job task? Mindfulness of this ratio gives a reliable clue for assessing likeability, no matter how friendly the coworkers pretend to be. When coworkers called my name, it was never for socialization, but always for informing me about a work task. However I observed when those same coworkers would call other names, and their calls often preceded a friendly social interaction unrelated to the workplace.

“Sam, I need you to go to the back and get a pan” said Lucie.

Nearly every time Lucie called my name, it was to have me retrieve a cooking utensil from the back, or inform me of a task that needs to be done. However, one day I observed something that saddened me, and it stuck with me when I contemplated my social issue.

“Mason, here’s something really interesting, do you think you can help me out?” said Lucie.

Mason is a stereotypical “stoner” with long hair who is comparable to a surfer character in a high school coming-of-age film from the 1980s. He has a marijuana leaf symbol on his keys, and even smokes marijuana on break, yet is a fairly well-liked coworker in terms of social appreciation. He has been expelled from high school, and has been in jail for drug possession, but really is friendly on the inside, like the archetype of a lovable tough guy. Those two employees had a 30 minute long exchange on a genealogy research project. I was left out to sit by myself, with not one invitation to join their affairs. I overheard them exchanging their finds and suggestions, while I was never invited into the interaction. I am sure that if I was truly liked, they would have eventually approached me and included me into the interaction. However this never happened with any topics at all, in case the genealogy topic was too personal to share with me. I had flashbacks to the lonely days of sitting alone in the high school cafeteria, surrounded with happy social lives. This experience reveals that I was tolerated but not liked.

These experiences were beneficial in that I became aware that I was subtly ostracized, but with my limited experiences it was impossible to find the cause of the ostracism. For a month I lost my mind trying to crack this case. Was it because I don’t greet enough, or because I don’t ask coworkers how their day was? Physical appearance was already ruled out because they were initially friendly when I was first hired, but that did not help narrow down the dozens of possible causes. I should have asked someone earlier, because the true answer revealed itself.

“Sam, don’t take this personally, but we got complaints from customers and coworkers about your body odor. Do you use deodorant?”

The world suddenly made sense. Coworkers avoided me because I stink. Though I figured something was wrong, it took the input of another mind to enlighten me on what exactly was wrong. Had I asked someone earlier, I would have learned this lesson earlier.




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[*] posted on 9-6-2018 at 23:36


Shower once a day and don't wear clothes that you can smell after showering. Two days is the absolute max.

I have had multiple collegeaus who smelled, I should have had more balls telling them.
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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 12:33


Am I the only one who is wondering how the OP grew up without knowing that deodorants are a good thing?
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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 12:48


Now Cou just needs to find the equivalent of deodorant for her forum posts...



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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 20:58


Actual quote from OP who was a persistent troll in IRC chat: " I do like my own farts, especially after i eat lots of garlic. I love sulfur and everything that smells and tastes like it. I also don't have many friends because of the BO that comes from H2S getting in my clothes + garlic indulgence"
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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 21:05


I am not sure which is more disturbing -- someone so socially inept that they revel in their own malodorous effusions, or someone who just happens to have on hand a documented record of that person's misdemeanours.

(Or maybe someone who finds time in their day to comment on both!)

This is scraping the bottom of the barrel even for whimsy.




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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 21:05


What a fascinating individual



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[*] posted on 10-6-2018 at 21:15


We have a quote bot. It pops up every once in a while even though it was said years ago. He also was a troll for at least 2 years before finally giving up.
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 03:44


Quote: Originally posted by Texium (zts16)  
Now Cou just needs to find the equivalent of deodorant for her forum posts...


I'm a male. I detransitioned.




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 05:12


The plot thickens



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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 05:19


Garlike.



Rapopart’s Rules for critical commentary:

1. Attempt to re-express your target’s position so clearly, vividly and fairly that your target says: “Thanks, I wish I’d thought of putting it that way.”
2. List any points of agreement (especially if they are not matters of general or widespread agreement).
3. Mention anything you have learned from your target.
4. Only then are you permitted to say so much as a word of rebuttal or criticism.

Anatol Rapoport was a Russian-born American mathematical psychologist (1911-2007).

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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 05:41


Quote: Originally posted by unionised  
Am I the only one who is wondering how the OP grew up without knowing that deodorants are a good thing?

My parents don't use it

edit: 420 posts XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

[Edited on 11-6-2018 by Cou]




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 07:03



I shower at least once a month irrespective of whether I need to or not!
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 08:00


As a research assistant in graduate school, I worked with numerous guys from India Institute of Technology (IIT). Smart guys, wise before their years. Anyway, their cuisine could leave the BO a bit harsh. Most were good, but one had OBSCENE odor. Like, I couldn't sit in my cube neighboring him. I was paralyzed by the smell. I trekked all over campus looking for cheap air scents. When I finally found them, I hid a few around his desk. I felt much better after that.
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 10:22


Didn't your mother tell you to wear deodorant?



[Edited on 04-20-1969 by clearly_not_atara]
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 10:56


Quote: Originally posted by clearly_not_atara  
Didn't your mother tell you to wear deodorant?


No one in my family uses it




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 11:22


I need a mod to edit and delete this thread ASAP. I wrote this essay for a personal narrative in english class, and i'm worried this will show up on the plagiarism checker.

[Edited on 11-6-2018 by Cou]




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 11:26


Sorry dude, can't do. We do not delete threads besides spam as a policy. Besides, this is in Whimsy so you should be fine. It shouldn't be available to those type of checks.



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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 11:33


Quote: Originally posted by Cou  
Quote: Originally posted by clearly_not_atara  
Didn't your mother tell you to wear deodorant?
No one in my family uses it


[file]68778[/file]

wtf.jpeg - 24kB




[Edited on 04-20-1969 by clearly_not_atara]
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 11:38


Quote: Originally posted by Texium (zts16)  
Sorry dude, can't do. We do not delete threads besides spam as a policy. Besides, this is in Whimsy so you should be fine. It shouldn't be available to those type of checks.


Also, if you're wondering the reason why I would post an academic essay here. I have this weird phenomenon where I'm more motivated to do good on an essay if I get to share it with judgmental internet people. Versus bored english students who write clunky essays since they aren't trying to impress anyone.




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 12:53




I'm not sure what the time limit is on editing ones' own post.
It would be a shame if this was lost to future generations ( or plagiarism checkers) so...




Quote: Originally posted by Cou  
As I continued working at Waffle House without making one true friend out of a coworker, I became aware that something fundamental about me is cringe-inducing to others. I misattributed it to personality issues, but after lengthy analysis of past social interactions, the actual cause of my social isolation revealed to be bad hygiene and non-use of deodorant. Ultimately I learned that in the event of social isolation, one should look past the obvious friendliness of colleagues, and search for subtle social clues to determine social approval. Then one should consult others to find the cause of the social approval. As our minds are inherently limited by preexisting experiences and knowledge, it takes the input of others to narrow down a cause. Otherwise, we go in circles trying to determine the cause.

After a month of working at Waffle House as a salesperson and still being socially isolated, I started to believe that something fundamental about my affect or personality is off-putting. There were small signs under exterior friendliness, indicating that coworkers did not want to interact me when not necessary. In the first week my coworkers were friendly and welcoming, like the crowd of friendly faces when walking into a college club meeting for the first time. All the coworkers are courteous. This is actually a clue that helped narrow down my issue, as initial friendliness rules out the possibility of unappealing physical appearance. Grill operator Lucie is a charismatic character, popular with the regular customers, who describes herself as a “people person” who “gets along with everyone” and never criticizes, except in the form of indirect hints. She comes off initially as a fat and jolly lady, but really has wisdom and the self-control to keep complaints to herself. If I made the social blunder of asking her to take the time and effort to cook an egg dish for me, failing to keep the golden rule of “treat people the way you want to be treated” in mind, she would simply make it without complaint and hold the grudge to herself. The grudge would simply affect future social interactions. If I had greasy hair with dandruff, she would make a conversational point with another coworker about how “some people have greasy hair because they use the wrong shampoo” while making constant anomalous eye contact with me through the whole sentence. This was a pointer towards bad hygiene being the repelling agent. On surface analysis I always believed I was a nice person, but digging through small signs like these is what made me concerned about my likeability.

Here is an example of a subtle sign of being an unlikeable person, which I only could see in hindsight once I acquired some social wisdom. When one’s name is called, what percentage of name calls are for casual socialization purposes, and what percentage of name calls are for utilitarian purposes such as assigning a job task? Mindfulness of this ratio gives a reliable clue for assessing likeability, no matter how friendly the coworkers pretend to be. When coworkers called my name, it was never for socialization, but always for informing me about a work task. However I observed when those same coworkers would call other names, and their calls often preceded a friendly social interaction unrelated to the workplace.

“Sam, I need you to go to the back and get a pan” said Lucie.

Nearly every time Lucie called my name, it was to have me retrieve a cooking utensil from the back, or inform me of a task that needs to be done. However, one day I observed something that saddened me, and it stuck with me when I contemplated my social issue.

“Mason, here’s something really interesting, do you think you can help me out?” said Lucie.

Mason is a stereotypical “stoner” with long hair who is comparable to a surfer character in a high school coming-of-age film from the 1980s. He has a marijuana leaf symbol on his keys, and even smokes marijuana on break, yet is a fairly well-liked coworker in terms of social appreciation. He has been expelled from high school, and has been in jail for drug possession, but really is friendly on the inside, like the archetype of a lovable tough guy. Those two employees had a 30 minute long exchange on a genealogy research project. I was left out to sit by myself, with not one invitation to join their affairs. I overheard them exchanging their finds and suggestions, while I was never invited into the interaction. I am sure that if I was truly liked, they would have eventually approached me and included me into the interaction. However this never happened with any topics at all, in case the genealogy topic was too personal to share with me. I had flashbacks to the lonely days of sitting alone in the high school cafeteria, surrounded with happy social lives. This experience reveals that I was tolerated but not liked.

These experiences were beneficial in that I became aware that I was subtly ostracized, but with my limited experiences it was impossible to find the cause of the ostracism. For a month I lost my mind trying to crack this case. Was it because I don’t greet enough, or because I don’t ask coworkers how their day was? Physical appearance was already ruled out because they were initially friendly when I was first hired, but that did not help narrow down the dozens of possible causes. I should have asked someone earlier, because the true answer revealed itself.

“Sam, don’t take this personally, but we got complaints from customers and coworkers about your body odor. Do you use deodorant?”

The world suddenly made sense. Coworkers avoided me because I stink. Though I figured something was wrong, it took the input of another mind to enlighten me on what exactly was wrong. Had I asked someone earlier, I would have learned this lesson earlier.
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 13:27


How is it possible for someone to have so little self-awareness?
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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 15:24


Quote: Originally posted by j_sum1  
I am not sure which is more disturbing -- someone so socially inept that they revel in their own malodorous effusions, or someone who just happens to have on hand a documented record of that person's misdemeanours.

(Or maybe someone who finds time in their day to comment on both!)

This is scraping the bottom of the barrel even for whimsy.


Just clarifying, Cou. I really have no intention of being insulting or disparaging here. But I do struggle to see what motivates you. And I know that I am not alone. You have expressed an interest in chemistry in the past but your posts here have focussed on social matters -- of a kind where the solutions are painfully obvious to others but you seem unable or unwilling to see.

It would be great on this board to ask something related to chemistry -- and by chemistry I mean something more substantial than "H2S came from my butt."

It would be equally good to pursue solutions to your social problems through channels that involve real interactions with real people who can have real input into your life. Seriously, we are a bunch of nerds here with our own share of social ineptitudes and from the distance of a text-based board there is not much we can do except smirk and roll our eyes. And, by the sounds of things, be thankful that we are not in the same room to smell the garlicky eminence.

I am going to give some time for you to respond in this thread and then I think it belongs in Detritus. It really is not going anywhere productive.




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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 16:19


Even when I use deodorant, I have zero social life. I have zero friends. I'm too autistic to make friends.



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[*] posted on 11-6-2018 at 16:31


Quote: Originally posted by Cou  
Mood: stoned af x)



Maybe you should lay off the weed......... Man

Hang on a minute,are you the cross-dressing meth cook from Texas with no glass...........?!?!?



/CJ




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